From This Moment Now
by thenlearnedhowtofly
Summary: Mitchie reminisces about the people most important to her in her life, as she approaches the end.
1. What Is Friendship?

**Friend (COMPANION) **

1 a person whom you know well and whom you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family:

_She's my best friend - we've known each other since we were fifteen._

I always thought that I would start the story of my life with the words: "My name is Mitchie Torres and my life changed the moment I walked into Camp Rock…"; but now I realize that the story of my life is not really about me, if that makes any sense, it's about the people who changed my life in ways that I could never have imagined.

As these last tired days draw to an end, I'm going to write down my story, the memories of those who touched me, and the story of a man. A man who the world thought they knew, and yet only I did.

I am going to start with the most amazing friend in the world: Caitlyn Gellar. What can I say about my Home Skillet? Caitlyn was never the most conventional of people, she could be rather strange at times, but that is why I loved her, isn't it? I mean, who else could have danced around at 2 in the morning singing Spice Girls songs in a British accent? Who else would have added flashing lights and a disco ball to her mobility scooter? Who else would have swam naked in the fountain in Trafalgar Square with me? Without this girl I swear that I would not even be here today, and even if I was, I don't know that I'd be able to smile so widely. She is the girl that taught me how to smile, how to laugh. She's the girl that is responsible for my laughter lines, and she was the first person to point them out to me.

When I look back at the time the two of us spent together, it seems surreal. There were two sides to my best friend, the silly one, the one that would throw pieces of popcorn at my head, and laugh hysterically, and the one that was there for me when I needed someone to just hold me and tell me that it would be okay when I cried. I loved both sides of Caitlyn, because without either of them, she wouldn't have been the person that she was. She wouldn't have made such a huge difference to my life.

Other friends came and went. There was Carrie, the girl who wanted to be my friend just as long as I looked like I had a career ahead of me. The moment I told her I didn't want the limelight, to have everyone knowing everything about me, she decided that actually, she had better things to do than hang around with me. There was the girl, who's name seems to evade me, the one that only wanted me around when it suited her and not all the time. But through it all, Caitlyn was always there for me.

Without Caitlyn, moving on from this life is going to be harder. But at least this way I know that I won't be leaving her behind, and that I will just be going to meet her in Neverland, the place where no one grows up. The place were we can still be teenagers and no one will look at us as if we are losing our marbles as well as our hair.

Yes, I like that, I'm off to meet Caitlyn in Neverland, it's not just her though.


	2. What Is Love?

**Love**

1 a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person:

_He makes my stomach do somersaults, is this love?_

The other person who changed my life, perhaps for the good, and perhaps otherwise, is Shane Grey. Well, what can I say about Shane that you didn't already know, or look up on Wikipedia? Shane was, of course, the lead singer of Connect Three, him and his two wonderful brothers, Nate and Jason, were so famous, they are sort of a legend, I suppose. A bit like the Beatles, and yet different in so many ways, because to me, Connect Three were real.

You probably wonder just how a nobody like me, Mitchie, knew Shane, and considered him to be such a good friend. It all goes back to Camp Rock I suppose, Camp Rock, and the Final Jam. I think that's the time that I fell in love with Shane Grey, or maybe it was the first time that he looked deep into my eyes, I can't quite pin-point it. But I came back from music camp with a lot more than music in my heart.

After camp I didn't hear from Shane again for a long while, not until Caitlyn got her job as the sound producer for Connect Three. She was sheepish when she told me about her new placement, but I knew that it was what she had always needed to get her into the music business. I smiled, and told her that I was happy for her, but all my heart was screaming was _Shane Grey, Shane Grey, Shane Grey._

By this time I had given up on the idea of becoming a musician, I studied through school, getting good grades, I wanted to become a teacher, my music had become my dream, my escape in the evenings after a hard day.

It was during my last year at University that Caitlyn got her job, having graduated music college the year before. I always knew that she could do it, she was amazing and what she did and she loved it.

Even though I was so pleased for her, whenever I thought of Caitlyn and her new job all I thought about was long dark hair and tight jeans. I knew it wouldn't be long before I saw Shane again, and sure as sure, I did just that.

I didn't quite expect what happened next, well I suppose that I did, I'd been crazy about Shane Grey for years, always watching him from a distance since that day, the Final Jam. It wasn't easy, seeing him on the television, hearing his voice creep into my dreams from the radio next door, watching him smile at me from billboards all over the city.

As the years went on, and I saw Shane more and more often, with Caitlyn, with Nate, it seems that we managed to go back to that summer, when nothing matter except the music and me and him. He hadn't lost the twinkle in his eyes, or the lilt to his laugh. He still had the ability to render me useless with just a smile.

I think that I've always loved Shane Grey, in fact, I'm almost certain that I have, despite all his failings he was guaranteed to make me smile, to make me laugh, to make me tingle from the inside out. I also think that I will always love him until I take my last breathe and shudder to a halt, his voice will be my last whisper.

What is love? I honestly don't know what love is, or why people feel it. I always thought that love would make sense some day, that one day I would understand how, and why things happened, but even now as my years slowly draw to a close, I still don't know.

In the same way I don't know that I love him anymore, I just think I love him. It is not his fault that I feel this way really, I mean, I suppose that it may have been, but I will not blame him for what happened. What I am trying to say is that all good things have to come to an end. We had our fun, and I will always be in love with the concept of him, and the memories that he gave me, but I don't know that I still love him anymore. So much for the love that was supposed to be eternal, I've learned that nothing lasts forever.


	3. What Is An Ending?

**Ending**

1 a bringing or coming to an end; termination; close

_Everything must have an ending._

Even as a child I was repeatedly told that everything would come to an end. It was used in all situations, when I cried because I'd reached the bottom of my bottle of bubbles I was reminded that all good things come to an end. When I cried because I didn't like the thunderstorm, I was reminded that it would be over soon, that everything comes to an end.

As I look to the ending of my life, the ending of my time on this earth, I realize that there are so many things that have ended, things that have finished. Through each and everyone of them though, I pulled through. It seems you can recover from each and every ending, except the last one. It seems that the majority of endings slide seamlessly into new beginnings.

Seasons always have endings, but you never notice as they seemingly slide into the next with little disruption. If only all of life could be like that, as smooth as the transition between night and day, between ice and water.

An ending is always hardest when you can feel it happening. Letting go is always the hardest part, you're never sure of what is ahead of you, you have no idea if it's going to be easy, or if it's going to be the hardest thing that you've ever done. But a lot of the time, you need to do it. You need to let go, you need to initiate an ending, so that something else can begin.

Life has never been easy, to change is the hardest thing a human can do. Something that I've learnt is that the way to live life is to believe that tomorrow you lose everything you have, that everything you know will be gone. With that comes the other half, you have to live each moment, as if it's the last, you never know how long you have left with the people you care about. The biggest issue with this is that you can't do it with little enthusiasm, you have to live with all your heart, with nothing left, with reckless abandon.

It's never easy, letting go. Everybody sees the end, whether at the time that it is happening, or on upon reflection. If only it was as simple as the curtains closing at the end of the show, but it's not supposed to be easy. There's a reason that loss is a negative word. One thing is obvious though, the worse way to feel at the end, is that you wish that you had given more. It's not finished, until you say it's over.

The best way to live life is with nothing you regret. But the person who makes no mistakes, makes nothing. If you remember nothing else, then remember this, you never know what's going to happen next. This might scare you, this might excite you, but it's the truth. It's all about leaving behind the things that you miss, with no idea where you're going, with no aim but to move on. Who knows where you might end up?

I don't embrace endings, to say that would be a lie. You may look at all this faux wisdom and ask yourself, what does an old lady know? All I know is this, everything comes to an end. Everything, even if you want to stay where you are forever.

Where do you begin, when you can't see the end?


End file.
